Crazy Carrie
by SoleFaith
Summary: Let me explain. Ever since the phone meltdown Marshel and Carrie had been meeting in the worst possible ways. The next thanksgiving, Carrie almost set the house on fire when Marshel startled her asking if she had any salt while she was cooking. At a diner downtown, Carrie triped on her sun dress, and her body knocked Marshel straight into a waitor carrying hot coffee...Barney/OC
1. Chapter 1: Here's Carrie

Disclaimer: I do not own How I met Your Mother or any charectors/themes you may recognize

_"Kids, in the summer of 09 you cousin Carrie came to get an internship here in Manhattan..."_

**(Carrie's POV)**

The cab ride was neverending. Not only was there a constant fear of a madman with a gun slamming his fist through the windshield, I had a major headache. One of two caused from scary stories my friends back in Caifornia drilled into my head before my departure on the plane.

The cab finally stopped in front of my cousin's house and I sighed, a long overdue sigh of complete relief. I quickly pulled my bags from the ajar door of the car and payed the driver what I owed him. As he drove away, I finally got a good look at where my cousin lives. It's a quaint little apartment, sitting above a bar. Stairs wind up the front and to the door.

I bite the side of my lip before dragging my lugage up the steps and into the apartment. I rap my knuckles on the inside apartment door and hope to God that Ted is actually home. Contrary to my bad luck, he opens the door almost imediatly after I knock. "Wow." I say as my mouth falls open just a tiny bit. "You look much better then you did in College." Back in College, if I remember correctly Ted had an afro? I'm not completely sure.

"Ha. Ha." he quips sarcastically, "I looked amazing in College, by the way."

"Sure you did." I halfheartedly mutter looking past Ted and into his apartment. "Nice place. You sharing with anybody?" My chest clenches in anticipation, I haven't told him yet but the friend I made plans to stay with in Manhattan just bailed on me so it might be good if he has an extra room.

"Actually yea..." he trailed off. "You haven't met her yet but you to are similar...in so many ways."

"Then we must both be utterly gorgeous." I smile evilly.

"Or you're both utterly persistent." he jokes and I cross my arms and flop onto the coach.

"Well, when can I meet your friends?" I ask looking up at him with pleading eyes. I already met Marshall and Lilly a couple years ago, but seriously, if Ted hasn't made new friends then the wall of China must have collapsed. Actually, if he hasn't made any new friends I'll take a sledgehammer to the damned thing.

"I don't know, your pretty shy. You even tried to take off Marshall's head with your cellphone when you two first met." Ted smirks at the memory. Truthfully, I forgot about that...

**College:**

"Ted?" I ask opening the door a tad. "Ted? Is this the right room?" My breath is caught in my throat. "I swear if this is not your room I'll cut your he-"

"Hi I'm Marshel" a face is suddenly in the door and I stumble back before whipping my phone at the unfimilier face. The door swings open completely to reveal a girl who I'd assume is his girlfriend laughing at the now squeling Marshall.

**Present Day:**

"I'm sure he forgets about that now." I say half laughing. Believe me, he didn't forget. "Please can I meet your friends. I promise not to be all shy and awkward around them. I'll act just like I do around you!"

"Fine. Just don't do anything stupid." Ted glares. "Or I'll have to send you back to California."

"I roll my eyes. "Yes dad."

**(Ted's POV)**

"Robin, Barney, Marshel, and Lilly were already sitting at their usual booths at the bar, talking about the recent conquests of the great Barney Stinson, when I walked in and sat at the end chair. I ordered a beer and began talking with them.

"My cousin's visiting. So try not to scare her away. She gets pretty freaked out over slight things." Everybody looks at him for a split second before responding.

"Your not talking about Crazy Carrie are you?" Marshall sighs worry in his eyes, almost as if he is about to run away.

"Who's crazy Carrie?" Robin asks. Let me explain. Ever since the phone meltdown Marshel and Carrie had been meeting in the worst possible ways. The next thanksgiving, Carrie almost set the house on fire when Marshel startled her asking if she had any salt while she was cooking. At a diner downtown, Carrie triped on her sun dress, and her body knocked Marshel straight into a waitor carrying hot cofee. Yup, they definitly had a history.

Everybody at the table starts cracking up laughing as I finish recounting the many encounters Marshall had with Carrie. Expecially Barney, he almost falls out of his chair. "She knocked you into-the cofee-the waitor-you were beat up by a girl-" he chocks out between gasps of laughter. "That's too good."

"Ha. Ha. Barney. I don't think I need to remind you of the...wedding cake..." The whole table goes silent.

"You wouldn't dare." Barney glares him down.

"Oh. I think I would." Marshel shoots back.

"Sweetie, calm down. We don't want to scare away Crazy Carrie." At Lilly's words the table burst into laughter again, and once again, it is mostly Barney.

"The cofee-and the cellphone-and the-and the-fire at thanksgiving-" he then falls out of his chair.

"And please don't call her crazy Carrie in front of her. She'll flip out."

Carrie enters the bar.

**(Carrie's POV)**

I am about to leave and get changed into something that I could borrow from Ted's roommate, hoping she won't notice, because my clothing seems like I've slutted up. But then I realize that Ted is staring at me and I make my way over to the table.

"Marshall." I say narrowing my eyes. Then I see Lilly. "I missed you SO much!" I declare a bit over excited. "The last time I saw you, you had dark black hair, Ted had an afro, and Marshall was covered in coffee."

"I glance over at the other girl at the table. "Hi, I'm Rob-" she starts but isinterupted by a blonde who pops up from underneath the booth.

"Barney. Stinson." he puts out his hand for me to shake. "You might recognize me. I saved a horde of babies from a petting zoo. There is a statue of me in Indiana." I pull up a chair next to Ted.

"A horde?" I ask.

"Oh come on Barney." Robin starts. "She's too smart for you." I glance at Robin momentarily. It was pretty easy to fill in the rest of her name after she got interrupted, I mean, I briefly watched her on the news yesterday morning. It was a red eye flight to Manhattan after all.

"I glance at Barney, and then at Robin, and then at Lilly and Ted. I skip over Marshel ofcourse. "Ted can we talk in private?"

"You can say it in front of us, Carrie. This is a no judgement zone." Lilly smiles and my eyebrows knit together.

"Are you quoting a children's book?" I ask suddenly and Ted looks at her and chuckles.

"No, there just words of wisdom."

"Sure they are sweetie." Marshel fills in, pulling her gently into his side. "Sure they are."

"K fine. Idon'thaveaplacetostay." I mumble as quickly as possible staring at the untouched and unopened bottle of beer in front of me.

"Hugh?"

"I don't have a place to stay." I say slower, expecting the roof to cave in and kill me. If I can't stay with Ted, I'm on the flight of shame back to California. Screw the internship and screw the dream city.

"You can stay with us!" Lilly suddenly blurts out and Marshall's expression drops.

"No way." he begins to panic. "No way is Crazy Carrie staying in our house. Not today, not in a month, not in a year." My expression drops. Well then.

"Fine, I'll stay at a hotel." I quip crossing my arms. "Or with some random guy I meet at this bar.

"Me!" Barney says almost on instinct.

"Um..." I begin but before I can finish Ted speaks instead.

"No way in hell." he looks at Barney warily. "This is why I don't let you meet my family."

"No, it's because you got daddy issues." Barney proclaims and then high fives Marshal.

"Grandpa issues!" Lilly adds. "He definitly had grandpa issues."

"Hey!" Ted says, my eyes drift to the time and I realize that I have to go to bed in the next ten minutes or Ill be up for the rest of the year.

"I gotta head out but Ill make sure to grab my stuff from your place and then find a hotel or something. I bet I can scratch up enough money for the night until a find a perminate place to stay." I pause. "Bye!" I wave and then head out.

**(Ted's POV)**

When Carrie left I could tell everybody let out a huge sigh of relief. Expecially Marshel, who for once nothing happened to. "Aw, she was sweet." Robin sighs out.

"Sweet? Sweet? You could see it in her eyes that she wanted to kill me." He shudders.

"Challenge Accepted!" All heads turn to Barney and all eyebrows furrow. Challenge? What the hell is he talking about?

"Yet it was easy to deduct was Carrie left so soon, and it was not the cheesy bar setting, she barely touched her drink and I can now only assume that she is alergic. Not to the beer, no. But to alchol in general. My lips curve into a frown.

"...and then it's on!" Is the only thing that I hear once being snapped back into reality.

"What?"

"Oh Ted..." Lilly trails off with uncertainty. "I suppose you should go make sure Crazy Carrie is ok."

"Yea. That's probably the best idea.

**AN:** This is just an idea that came to me. Though it was the hardest fanfic I've ever wrote because I could not think of lines to keep each character from straying into OOC waters. I did my best though, so thanks for reading. The next chapter will be out soon. ~SoleFaith


	2. Chapter 2: Local News Reporter

_Kids, the next couple days Carrie began to get more and more desperate for a place to stay._

* * *

**(Carrie's POV)**

Ted had talked to me after I left the bar, and convinced me to stay with him and Robin for a bit. On the coach. It kind of felt like I was back in high school, sleeping in on a friend's sofa after getting to drunk to function. There were three stages of drunk for me - emphasis on the were - considering I don't drink anymore.

**Stage one was party drunk;**

"Carrie, stop. That's seriously your twentieth shot." Mia, a friend of Carrie's from California put her hand on her shoulder. "And I want to go back to my dorm and need your car, so come on." Mia tugged at her arm barely causing Carrie to budge. Suddenly, and not so unexpectedly Carrie jumped up onto the table -

"Throw money at me!" the music died down as Carrie stood on the table giggling. She whispered not so quietly to Mia; "This is not how I pictured it when I was at the dentist yesterday..."

"Man, why'd you invite those two..."

**Stage two was fake secret telling drunk;**

"Michael, I have a confession..." Carrie trailed off numbly as Mia dumped her on the coach back at their dorm. Michael, Mia's boyfriend glanced over at the pair.

"Is she...?" he trailed off and Mia nodded.

"I'm pregnant with your child." she paused dramatically her face burried in a black checkered blanket.

"But we never had se-" before he could finish Mia slapped him in the back of the head.

"I'm sorry, don't tell Mia she's just so in love with you. I think she was going to propose." And that part wasn't fake.

**Present Time:**

Then, of course, by stage three I'd be fully passed out with my face in a pillow. They'd have to turn me over so I'd remember to breath. But, in the face of all of that, I didn't have the luxary to ge a good night's sleep when I was at Ted's. Every time I would try and close my eyes-

"Ted...Ted...TED...is she sleeping yet. Is it safe...?"

And then I would open my eyes for a split second to see Marshall sticking his head in through the door frame and holding a six pack of beer and a video game system. So I definitely got a bit upset. Enough that I sat up, reached under my blanket, pulled out a sword, and threw at him, it hitting the door and going through just in front of Marshal's face.

_"Kids, your Aunt Carrie likes to think she threw a sword, but really it was a pencil that didn't even reach the end of the coach before falling back on her face."_

I pulled the blanket over my head and groaned as Ted exited the kitchen with a coffee drenched piece of long paper, which once must have been blue prints, but now is just another mess that he will end up trying to fix with duck tape.

"Was that Marshall?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Nope." I quipped and he rolled his eyes. I dragged my legs out from under the blankets and the fell over the side of the bed. "At least I have work today, they say I can start out by delivering coffee, because I'm an intern and all. Honoring the stereotypes."

"That's sort of sexist, and sort of sweet." Ted said mindlessly staring at his desk where crumpled pieces of paper surrounded a trash can. "You never did tell me where you were getting an internship - "

"Are those historical landmark pajamas...?" I laugh, ignoring his question trying to quiet it with the top of the blanket.

"No." he started and then broke down. "NO! Why do you always have to be so judgy." I laugh and then jump up to get changed.

**(Ted's POV)**

When I made it to the bar that day the rest of the gang was already there, minus Robin. Lilly and Marshall sitting on one side, and Marshall sitting on the other. "Ted! You will not believe what happened at work today."

"Come on Barney he doesn't want to hear." Marshall added, taking a sip of his alcohol.

"What happened?" Lilly asked suddenly, giving them all a weird look. "You guys didn't tell me?"

"Lilly Aldrin! Like I would tell you before I told my best friend." he paused and I filled in the gap, -

"Marshall's my best friend."

Barney didn't seemed fazed, "That's right. I am your best friend." he began and then, "Marshall, Marshall, tell him what happened."

"I wasn't there -" he started to say before he was interrupted by Barney. At that point he had quizzical looks from everyone at the table.

"You were there." he said. "In spirit."

"Barney just say what happened." Lilly blurted suddenly, and before he could tell his story someone turned on the evening news.

News: "A bank robbery down town has the entire police station on it's feet. Among the hostages is local news reporter -" the man on the news stopped for a moment mouthing the word 'who?' before taking in a deep awkward breath and continuing, "Local news reporter Robin Scherbatsky."

Everyone's mouth's dropped to the floor.

* * *

**AN:** Short but sweet, meant to be an ice breaker since I haven't updated since last year. Which, I honestly apoligize for. I actually planned on never updating again, but the moment I realized that people were actually enjoying the story I knew that I needed to give it another shot. Though, I'm pretty sure that I made them all OOC. Before I forget I also want to apoligize for boering you with Carrie's California roomate's. But I felt like it was needed. Speacial thanks to_ Lady Ravanna_ and the _Guest_ for the reviews and everyone who's followed and favorited.

Live Long and Prosper.


	3. Chapter 3: The Coffee Run

**3rd Person POV**

The news report ended and it faded to commercials. No longer interested, the man who had turned on the TV decided to turn it off again, and the bar sprung back to life. Except, of course, that little table that we all recognize. They remained silent, until someone decided to break the ice, "So, I was at my desk watching an important interaction take place when..."

"_Barney_!"

**10 Hours Earlier (Carrie's POV)**

I stared up at the building where my internship was going to take place, remembering the day before I left California. I had been describing what I'd be doing for a job in New York to Mia and Michael. They seemed a bit skeptical, especially when a package came in the mail with the stacks and stacks of disclaimer forms that needed to be signed. "I take full responsibility for any of the following: Loss of limb, loss of imagination, and an acquired knowledge of our friends the North Koreans."

"Why do you want to intern there anyway?" Mia had asked, and Michael nodded in agreement adding, "Yea, listen to this; 'I wave my right to an attorney if I am taken to court for any reason.' I shrugged it off, grabbing the papers and signing my name. It was the dream city after all.

But now, standing out in front of Goliath National Bank, holding a stack of binding agreements, it seemed much less of a struggle than Mia and Michael had made it seem. Actually, it seemed easier. I took a sip of my coffee, that for some reason I had gotten for free on the street corner coffee cart, and entered the building. Immediately a gust of air conditioning smacked me in the face. "Woah."

"There are nine levels on your coffee run, five offices per level, six possible orders of coffee, and ten - wait that's it. Coffee machine's over there. Enjoy." The man finished his rant and relief flooded over his face. He shoved the orders towards me and whipped a coffee cup at the wall yelling, "Freedom!" and "Who's the loser now Karen!?"

I pulled a wooden cart towards me, slipping the orders into their sleeves, and thanking God that the man who had did this before me had the courtesy to make the first orders for me. As I fit as many coffee cups onto the cart as possible I contemplated what I would end up doing here when my internship ended. I never made myself clear. The interview went kind of like this;

"Do you want to work at Goliath National Bank?"

"Yea, I think it would be a good opportunity to get a taste of New York?"

"Seriously? Are you sure? Be honest here - seriously?"

But yea, I'm sure that my boss was just trying to mess with my head. Dream Job. Dream City. Stop worrying. Hesitantly I pushed the cart into the elevator, standing next to me was a guy dressed as a character from Magic The Gathering, a card game that I'm not ashamed to like.

"Coffee?" I ask looking through a list of laminated names.

The guy begins to chuckle causing my eyes to narrow just a bit. "Man, you really did get the worst job, good luck keeping it. People get fired over the tiniest of things."

I roll my eyes. "Yea, ok. By the way, your costume thing is wicked." The elevator dings open. "But, you should know I'd totally take you down in that game." I bite back a small smile before stepping onto level one.

Your cousin Carrie, being always so lost in her head, imagined a loudspeaker from these old video games narrating her job.

"Floor One. Ready? Go!"

I trudged down to the first office and opened the door. Inside there was a man shredding documents. When he looked up he completely swiped his desk. My eyebrows knitted together briefly in confusion, but I shock it off immediately. "Uhm, black coffee, no sugar...?

"Yea, that's me."

My eyes trailed towards the ground where all those papers were, but then I looked up smiling awkwardly. "So what's your job."

He stares blankly at me and I take that as a hint to make an odd exit. "Well, nice to meet you Mr. - uh - Secret Agent Guy."

The rest of that floor went by smoothly, the floor after that went by slowly, the floor even after that I'm sure I saw a rabbit run by with a stopwatch and a hat, but I'm pretty sure that it was just the caffeine from my ninth cup of coffee. It was delicious, almost weirdly so, and I hope that they didn't put something sketchy in it because this bank is the king of sketchy.

When I finally made it to the ninth floor on the run before I switched off sessions with some guy named Edward, I had nine cups of coffee left that were all going to the same room. I didn't find it odd at all, in fact I decided to just give the rest of the coffee to that room before I started Edward's batch for him.

I opened the door to the room - it was large. A blonde was sitting in a black rolling chair that was turned towards the window, back to me. I could see that he was looking down at the street through binoculars.

"Nine cups of coffee right?" I say mildly starting to place them on his desk. My eyes trail the wall. "Nice posters, dude."

The chair spun around, overly dramatically, and I cover my mouth to keep my bursting out laughing. I choke down the laugh, and my stomach digests it, so that I'm just standing there staring at one of Ted's friends. He quickly composes himself, and stares at the coffee. "Don't drink that!" he suddenly bursts out and my face straightens.

"Why...?"

He closes his laptop, pretty obviously trying to hide something, and I walk around to the window. "What were you looking at?"

He takes a step to the side of me so we are both looking out the window. "That guy." he points towards the pavement were a man with a top hat stares up at us. Barney salutes him. "That's Matthew Cloony, we play laser tag together, the National Sport of America."

"I thought baseball was-"

"Exactly, laser tag. America's National Sport. In five minutes he's going to get into a black SUV. We're going to drop the remaining coffee on top of his head the moment it pulls up." Barney tilts his head to the left a bit to glance at me, probably to get my reaction.

"Yea, no."

His features form a pout as he glances between me and the coffee. "Come on, what's the worst that could happen."

**5 Minutes, Nine Cups of Spilt Coffee Later**

The man in the top hat pulls out a gun, shoots through the window, and then at the building ten times causing us to drop down to the floor to shield our heads. "Kind of kinky right?"

I glare daggers across the glass covered floor, now noticing that my hands and knees are pressed into sharp shards of reddening glass.

**Present Time - Still At the Bar**

Everyone's mouth hung open, "Oh my God Barney." Lilly said breaking the silence.

"I know! Crazy Carrie works at GNB! This is legen - wait for it - where did Ted go?" Barney finally snaps out of his story telling daze and looks at the seat where Ted was previously ordering a beer before the news had come on.

"He left. Robin's is a hostage in a bank robbery for Gods sakes!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Crazy Carrie did come to our house after that." Marshall began, out of characterly ignoring Lilly's comment, and Barney slowly raised his hand for a high five. "No Barney, no."

**3 Hours Ago - Marshall and Lilly's House**

Marshall was sitting on the couch watching TV when there was a knock on the door. He went over to answer it, expecting to see Lilly, but instead when he opened it Carrie stood their with her hands and knees scratched up and bloody.

'Oh My God. Who's blood is that. She's here to murder me. She ripped Lilly's heart out and now she wants mine to finish her collection. Oh God...I really hope I'm not saying this out loud.'

_Luckily for him, he wasn't._

"I - uh - was being shot at and before you say anything - this is my own blood." Carrie rambled and Marshall let out an obvious sigh of relief.

"Yea - come in and I'll get Lilly to band-"

"Can you do it - I don't want Ted to find out and if we tell Lilly then..."

"Yea, yea sure."

* * *

AN: Quick update, well I should probably say _quicker_ update considering the first one. So as you've all probably noticed in each chapter there are a couple easter eggs that refer to certain episodes, if you can find them all you get - uhm - bragging rights? XD If I think of something better I'll do it. Special Thanks to _Lady Ravanna_ for reviewing the last chapter. It means a lot.

Thanks for Reading! I'll Update soon


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